Just throwing another female vote of support for the idea that Nice Guys aren’t all that nice. This Nice Guy perspective pisses me off because it tries to generalize the opinions of women based on a poorly derived opinion of oneself. You might as well change the title to a slightly less whiney “To all the girls: Whyyyyy don’t you like MEEEEE???”
To all the guys who think they are Nice Guys that desperately deserve a great woman but through the unknown and unknowable powers of the universe, all the women are being drawn to men who barely pass as socially acceptable:
There are plenty of reasons why women do not want to date you. If you are too stupid, or self-obsessed, to think that your faults and behavior and attitudes aren’t what is keeping women from being interested, then none of us can help you.
The majority of the women in this thread have pointed out the same thing. You will get nowhere trying to portray yourself as the blank slate of stereotypes of what women want, decrying the death of chivalry and romance in one fell swoop. I know it’s much easier to pretend like you are Perfect Man in a Box just waiting to be scooped up by some nice deserving young lady, but you just simply aren’t.
I despise this attitude for so many reasons and in so many ways that it is difficult to articulate. It and anything resembling it is an instant turn-off. I have no idea why anybody past the age of 20 still tries to pretend like this ridiculous meme has any shred of truth. It’s an emotional crutch for people who aren’t self-actualized enough to admit their own faults. Instead you project them onto other people and pretend like the fault lies there.
“Women” don’t like motorcycles or bad boys or tattoos or whatever. “Women” don’t constitute a hive mind. “Women” don’t hate you because you’re “too nice”. “Women” don’t like you because of all the negative characteristics that can be brushed over by pretending that you’re “just too nice”.
I wish these guys would get over themselves. You don’t treat women like people, you pretend to like and respect and value them so much but you seem to just want one, regardless of what or who she is. Just A woman. Just one, whomever, so you can be so nice to her.
I’m dating a nice guy, but he’s not one of your kind, because he doesn’t think of himself as a constant victim all the time. He’s not manipulative and emotionally unstable and entitled, nor is he a child. He looks at me adoringly because he respects me and has things to offer the relationship as a person and not as a caretaker or protector. He does things for me because it’s reciprocal, and I think you would find that most women would feel insulted and patronized by an attitude that presumes their preferences and happiness and comfort above all else.
You don’t want a woman, that is clear, you want a girl. Someone who isn’t emotionally mature enough to criticize you for your shortfalls and demand things from you, someone who has no experience with the give and take of a relationship, someone who has no concern for bettering herself or helping you achieve success however you define it. You want someone who will make you feel used and hurt and petty, because as you’ve said, you can take it. I cannot for the life of me imagine why someone would ever attest to the level of emotional abuse they can withstand, if only they could have someone to dish it out.
In short (boy this isn’t short either), none of us here can help you. None of the great advice that has come from the many intelligent and experienced women in this thread will sink in, because they do not validate the perception in your head. We will be dismissed, and disregarded, just as the many other people in your life that don’t fit this stereotype have surely been dismissed. But you didn’t come here looking for advice, you came here looking for validation of your juvenile worldview. Ultimately you are the only one who will have to pay the price for this generalization, not us, not the millions of nice guys out there who never stooped to the level of getting the Nice Guy ™ Membership Card and merchandise, advertising what a catch they are and how any girl would be lucky to have them.
Just you.
So my only piece of advice then, is that you are never ever as great and talented and exceptional as you say you are. You are only as good as other people perceive you to be. If you keep saying it, and nobody’s believing it, there’s a disconnect somewhere. Maybe you should take a look and figure out where it is.
