Vibrators are bad! Stop using them!

[Freudian_Slit]

@Anaamika

Add to this the stigma of some households which don’t just tell girls not to chase but tell girls sex is downright dirty. That a girl should never touch her private parts. That girls should sleep with their hands above the covers. That everything down there is filthy.

So you have these girls growing up with some very fucked-up ideas about sex and sexuality. So they get into a relationship with a loving guy, but that part of them is so deep that they beileve it’s their fault they can’t orgasm. So they fake it.

But time goes on, and the guy is so loving, and they start to learn more about the world, and they learn they’re not alone. So they finally start to relax and actually talk about their sexuality. To be accused of lying about it all the time at that point would be damaging not helpful.

Thanks, Anaamika. I went through a bit of this myself–my family was really progressive but still had the idea that masturbation was wrong. At least, when their four year old daughter did it–yes, I started young. I’ve been masturbating for years. I know my body. I know how to make it feel good. I think part of the reasons I’ve had trouble doing this in front of other people is because of those feelings. Using a vibrator has helped in some situations.

Stoid, in response to your last post, Masters and Johnson posited that all orgasms, no matter what the stimulus, follow the same stages. That is, they all involve the same parts of the vulva. Vaginal stimulus may work for you, sure, but I’ve had my body for over two decades, and I know what feels good. I don’t think that I just need a really good lover. And I don’t think I need to put in hard work when I already have ways of making myself feel really good. As **Epimetheus ** points out, people are wired differently. Really good penetration may make you feel good but may feel relatively ho-hum for me.

[XaMcQ]

@Stoid

Allow me to offer hope to the women of the world who have never had an orgasm from intercourse and would like to.

I was absolutely convinced that it was simply not possible for me to do this, period. Just.Not.Possible. And I was ok with it. A little disappointed, it seemed cool, but hey, it is what it is.

Then, 20 years into my sexually active life, with a man who was very compassionate and loving and young and healthy and patient and committed and very interested in making it happen, it did.

And then again…and again…and again…and again.

The first time was VERY difficult. I was feeling really embarassed and worried for him, but he was amazing and told me to completely relax, he was fine and would remain fine andmade me believe him. And I had to focus, focus, focus.

Technically, it was not amazing because it was so difficult getting there, but emotionally and psychologically, it was magic, and I burst into tears. I cried the next 20 times or more that we did it, and every time got better and better and better.

I told him he was like King Arthur, he had pulled the sword from the stone. He must be the man for me! And he was actually, for ten years. And over those ten years, orgasm from intercourse got easier and easier until it was “the lazy way” for us to have sex, easier to do that than any other means of orgasm.

And I have to say what is true for me: it became, very shortly, FAR and away the most powerful, intense, and amazing way for me to come. Completely outside the emotional component, on a purely physical basis. It rocks me down to my toes and back. FanFuckingTastic, 10 times better than anything else has ever come close to being.

And I think there are several reasons, but I know that one of them is simply that it gets so many nerves involved, it sort of stiches together all the areas of your genitals into one continuous whole where the sensation is everywhere at once. Over time it vastly increased and improved the sensation everywhere, and particularly my vagina itself.

I’d always been orgasmic, always sexual, always passionate. And this pretty much quadrupled the pleasure of the entire experience.

My dislike of vibrators pre-dates this happening, but since I have become seriously anti-vibrator because if you are accustomed to coming via vibrator, you are practically guaranteeing that you can never come in this way (via fucking or not, this kind of sensitivity and pleasure is largely crushed by the vibrator style sensations and numbs you to subtler, more powerful feelings that may be a little harder to get in touch with, but like many things that aren’t easy, the rewards are beyond worth it.)

STOP TELLING OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO GET OFF!!! :mad:

I’m glad for you that you managed to find a guy who your difficulty in having a vaginal orgasm. Terrific. Wonderful. That doesn’t make you qualified to tell any other woman on the planet that she has to ‘work harder’ to have a satisfying sex life or imply that there is something wrong with her for wanting to do something different. You’ve already admitted you NEVER liked vibes to begin with, so I have a big problem with you telling other women to give up something you don’t like and certainly wouldn’t miss just because you think it is bad for them and ‘numbs’ them to subtler things. How is it your business? What makes you such the expert in EVERY woman’s physiology and psychology that you can say with such certainty that if she just ‘tries harder’ and finds the right guy like King Arthur, she will be able to have vaginal orgasms? You don’t know that, and it isn’t your business. :mad:

[DianaG]

Stoid, I’m genuinely delighted for you and all, but you’re assuming that your experience is universal, and I think you know better than that.

[Anaamika]

@XaMcQ

STOP TELLING OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO GET OFF!!! :mad:

I’m tempted to make this a sig line. Everybody could take a hint from this.

[Stoid]

@XaMcQ

STOP TELLING OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO GET OFF!!! :mad:

What makes you such the expert in EVERY woman’s physiology and psychology that you can say with such certainty that if she just ‘tries harder’ and finds the right guy like King Arthur, she will be able to have vaginal orgasms? You don’t know that, and it isn’t your business. :mad:

Umm… what exactly are you so mad about? If you look again, you will see that I bolded and underlined exactly what I was offering: hope to those who WANTED TO, by offering my experience and what I did. I also reiterated what I said in the OP, which I clearly stated came from conversations with other women. If I were me when I was 25 and someone else had offered up their experience in the same way, I would have been glad of it. I don’t expect you to be, but I’m very confused about why you feel it’s so terrible.

And even if I were doing exactly what you seem to think I’m doing, so? Why do you care? Why invest that level of emotion? Why not simply ignore the thread altogether?

I’d say chill, except you’d think I was ordering you how to feel and make you even madder, so I won’t.

[Stoid]

@DianaG

Stoid, I’m genuinely delighted for you and all, but you’re assuming that your experience is universal, and I think you know better than that.

Of course. But the fact that I had that experience at all was a complete shock to me, if you’d asked me prior, I would have said, and DID, that such a thing was physiologically impossible for me, I just wasn’t built that way, no way, no how, fergit it.

So I offer that experience to others who believe that’s true for them, too, because maybe, like me, it’s not so after all.

[Anaamika]

It came off that way to me, too,. Stoid, and I had to go back and re-read this line:

“Allow me to offer hope to the women of the world who have never had an orgasm from intercourse and would like to.”

It says “hope”. That is easily missed, and if you read the rest it seems like you were trying to say “this is the way it works”. I do understand what you mean, though.

[Kalypso]

@Whack-a-Mole

As for oral sex don’t feel alone. It almost never does it for me either. Sometimes because the woman doing it is terrible at it (sad but happens) but mostly because I have some hangup. I’ve tried to figure it out and the best I can come up with is early relationships where the woman was spastic that I not…you know…in her mouth. In my early days controlling that was difficult and it has messed me up since. Don’t get me wrong…I still enjoy it but it never brings me to climax…just foreplay for me.

Considering what you’ve been saying, this statement really bugs me. You’ve told a guy not to worry about it if he can’t come a certain way, but you clearly have a problem with a woman that can’t come a certain way.

This is a touchy subject for me, because when my last boyfriend left me the reason he gave was that I could not come when he fucked me, and he couldn’t spend the rest of his life like that.

Luckily, ZR Test doesn’t seem to have a problem with me slipping a little toy in between, even if it’s every single time. It’s the combinaion of him and the toy that works, so it’s not like it’s not him “doing the honors”.

[Stoid]

@XaMcQ

S tell any other woman on the planet that she has to ‘work harder’ to have a satisfying sex life or imply that there is something wrong with her for wanting to do something different.

You’ve already admitted you NEVER liked vibes to begin with, What makes you such the expert in EVERY woman’s physiology and psychology that you can say with such certainty that if she just ‘tries harder’ and finds the right guy like King Arthur, she will be able to have
vaginal orgasms?

I just wanted to say it bugs when people misstate what I say in writing, cuz it’s in writing, after all.

Never said the above things, for the record, and quite specifically explained about the vaginal orgasms as a matter of fact.

[Stoid]

@_bec_

This is a touchy subject for me, because when my last boyfriend left me the reason he gave was that I could not come when he fucked me, and he couldn’t spend the rest of his life like that.

With all due respect to your last boyfriend, he sounds like a serious asshole who is wildly insecure and has fucked way too many women who have lied to him about his sexual abilities and their sexual experience. Be glad he’s history, sounds like you have a keeper.

[DianaG]

@Stoid

Of course. But the fact that I had that experience at all was a complete shock to me, if you’d asked me prior, I would have said, and DID, that such a thing was physiologically impossible for me, I just wasn’t built that way, no way, no how, fergit it.

So I offer that experience to others who believe that’s true for them, too, because maybe, like me, it’s not so after all.

Stoid, I’m less concerned with the “if I can have an orgasm from vaginal intercourse, anyone can!!!” thing (although it might be a bit condescending) than I am with the “if vibrators are bad for me, they’re bad for everyone!!!” thing (which is, IMO, extraordinarily bad advice).

[you_with_the_face]

So what do you think women who were like you do, Stoid?

Explore all tools available to help them enjoy their bodies as much as they can in the present?

Or sit around waiting for the magical day when their King Arthur comes to town and rescues them from their comelessness? And in the meantime, do nothing?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not married to a vibe either. Just wondering what practical solutions are out there that don’t involve a-hoping and a-dreaming.

[Stoid]

@Anaamika

It came off that way to me, too,. Stoid, and I had to go back and re-read this line:

“Allow me to offer hope to the women of the world who have never had an orgasm from intercourse and would like to.”

It says “hope”. That is easily missed, and if you read the rest it seems like you were trying to say “this is the way it works”. I do understand what you mean, though.

But, if the part that is bolded and underlined is “easily missed”, what else can I do?

[Stoid]

@you with the face

So what do you think women who were like you do, Stoid?

Explore all tools available to help them enjoy their bodies as much as they can in the present?

If they want to try to have what could turn out to be a richer experience, they do something utterly horrible that hopefully they can stand: practice! With non-electric toys and hands and anything else that doesn’t have a motor in it, and focus a lot on exploring more of what turns them on mentally, fantasy wise, as well. Draw it out, party with themselves and their lovers. And swear off the motorized stuff for whatever period of time, because trying to learn how to do it differently while continuing to do it with vibrators is the definition of self-defeating.

It’s a nightmarish task, of course, but all good things come to those who diddle!

[Anaamika]

@Stoid

But, if the part that is bolded and underlined is “easily missed”, what else can I do?

No, the only word that is easily missed is hope and it’s too easy to substitute the word advice in one’s own head, especially since the rest of the post does sound like advice.

But there really isn’t much you can do, more than you did! I was just pointing out how I was mistaken, too. You can pretty much put me with DianaG’s last post.

[Stoid]

@Zoggie

Thanks, Anaamika. I went through a bit of this myself–my family was really progressive but still had the idea that masturbation was wrong. At least, when their four year old daughter did it–yes, I started young. I’ve been masturbating for years. I know my body. I know how to make it feel good. I think part of the reasons I’ve had trouble doing this in front of other people is because of those feelings. Using a vibrator has helped in some situations.

Stoid, in response to your last post, Masters and Johnson posited that all orgasms, no matter what the stimulus, follow the same stages. That is, they all involve the same parts of the vulva. Vaginal stimulus may work for you, sure, but I’ve had my body for over two decades, and I know what feels good. I don’t think that I just need a really good lover. And I don’t think I need to put in hard work when I already have ways of making myself feel really good. As **Epimetheus ** points out, people are wired differently. Really good penetration may make you feel good but may feel relatively ho-hum for me.

Whatever works for you, great.

But I’ve had my body for nearly five decades, it’s been having orgasms for more than four of them (slightly creepy, I know…i was a very sexualized child and no, I wasn’t molested, or if I was I have zero memory of it. And I started using a vibrator when I was SEVEN…you heard me right. My mom’s “back massager”, me and my best friend. I also propped myself under the bathtub tap, which is kinda like a vibrator, as is a hot tub jet. ) and I am amazed at the changes that have happened over the years.

I’d be interested to hear back from you in 10, then 20 years about how your sexual response has morphed. Every woman I know and a whole bunch I don’t report that things change a lot as the years go by. Fortunately for us all, the experience seems to be that things change for the better, no matter how great it was to start with. Girls have all the luck.

[Stoid]

@DianaG

Stoid, I’m less concerned with the “if I can have an orgasm from vaginal intercourse, anyone can!!!” thing (although it might be a bit condescending) than I am with the “if vibrators are bad for me, they’re bad for everyone!!!” thing (which is, IMO, extraordinarily bad advice).

It wasn’t just me, as I said in the OP.

I wouldn’t worry too much about it, though, it’s not like hoards of women are going to toss their vibrators and live sexless lives because of my thread. There are, in fact, a lot of women who really would find that they are happier without them, and I hope they consider trying.

[DianaG]

Well no, it’s not *just * you, but that doesn’t mean it’s everyone.

And no, no one is going to toss their vibrator over this, even though apparently they’d be happier without all those pesky orgasms. :rolleyes:

Stoid, I did all the same masturbatory activities you ever did, including the vibrators, and yet I have always climaxed easily from penetrative intercourse. Clearly the difference between us isn’t the vibrators.

[Scissorjack]

@Priceguy

And what if you do become dependent on them? So what?

Withdrawal symptoms.

[Boyo_Jim]

@Stoid

But, if the part that is bolded and underlined is “easily missed”, what else can I do?

You can start by being more discriminating with your thread titles.

Vibrators are bad! Stop using them!

Crikeys, talk about a universal condemnation.