I can easily reach orgasm with a vibrator. I can easily reach orgasm from manual stimulation from myself or from my husband, through oral stimulation, or though vaginal penetration. Heck, get me tipsy, suck on my bottom lip, tweak my nipples, and I’ll come.
The vibrator has its use for those nights when my hubby is up late with school stuff, when I have absolutely wrung him out but still want more, or for when I’m particularly stressed. The use of the vibrator has had no effect on my sensitivity to other stimuli, and I am a super sensitive person (environmentally speaking - I totally lack empathy for others, though ) I can think about a cold breeze and give myself goosebumps.
You evidently grokked with perfect clarity my true intention, despite everything else said to the contrary. :rolleyes: back atcha.
Obviously not. Orgasm is easy for you, your sexual response was turned up to 11, completely unimpaired, somewhat guy-like without any fine tuning at all, which makes you an extremely fortunate and not very typical woman. And I’d venture to say that all women except those who have weird hangups and want sex to go away would be thrilled to be in your shoes. And that’s pretty much what this is about! More women than not have some degree of, if not difficulty, then let’s say fragility in their sexual response. For them, being a little more selective about how they beat up the guy in the boat trying to get him to sing could often reap some pretty bitchen rewards.
Well, then, I’ll be ultra clear: for you and Diane and other such women, vibes are jsut another way to have fun and that’s great. I confine my remarks to the women who have some level of struggle with reaching nirvana and feel or even simply wonder or hope that their sexual experience could be even better than it currently is, and I most particularly direct my remarks at such women who actually find that vibrators are mandatory for orgasm.
Condemning the vibrators, not the people using them, and only for the most pleasant of reasons.
I never imagined that anyone would manage to get in any way upset at what I was saying, that is completely foreign to me and would never have crossed my mind as a possibility. Just jawjackin’, folks, dont’ mean nuthin.
A woman’s inability to orgasm with just stimulation from her partner does NOT necessarily mean there’s anything wrong with the relationship. I think it actually means that she can’t orgasm easily.
Not the partner’s fault at all, although comments like that probably wouldn’t help a woman already having trouble reaching orgasm feel very good about herself, if you know what I mean.
This is not going to go over well, but… isn’t that his prerogative? Are you saying it’s wrong that he felt that way? I have to disagree. If it was really important to him, and part of what made sex enjoyable to him, that he got you off himself, without aid of a machine, and you couldn’t, isn’t that just a basic incompatibility between you? Everyone has different needs in bed. What if your ex’s need was to get you off, not a vibrator, and it turned him off that you need to use one? Can he just make it change that it turned him off, disappointed him, and made him enjoy sex less? I don’t think so. It does not make him an asshole any more than needing a vibrator makes you one. It’s unfair that you can judge him for his sexual needs but yours have to be OK with him or he’s a bad guy.
He broke up with you because your sex life was unsatisfying for him. That’s better than sucking it up, being disappointed, and maybe going elsewhere to get his needs met, or just ending up with no sex life at all. Be glad he moved on and let you do so too.
There’s a LOT of defensiveness in this thread. It’s pretty incredible, really.
You’re starting to bug me, Whack-a-Mole. I admit that I thought it was cute how you insisted all your female confidants like dildos rather than vibrators (smallish ones, of course.) But your unwillingness to believe Annamika and other women in this thread is bothersome. They’re not lying. Let me see if I can help you with this:
As embryos, women and men start with basically the same naughty bits. In men, these bits become the penis, most sensitive at its tip. In women, these bits split along the “shaft” to form the inner labia – and the most sensitive bit, the clitoris, ends up outside and above the vaginal opening.
You “don’t need an outside device to make it happen” because your most sensitive bit gets directly stimulated during intercourse. Next time you’ve got some time on your hands, see if you can “make it happen” by stimulating the lower 2/3rds of your penis – and only that part. It might feel really good, but you’ll probably have to concentrate pretty hard to stay away from the tip, and perhaps you won’t be able to climax at all. Now you know, more or less, how it might feel to be a woman not lucky enough to have met her King Aurthur.
Now, some people are ticklish and some aren’t. Some women have more labial sensitivity and some have less. Even for women with less sensitivity who have not ruined themselves (sarcasm!) with profligate vibrator abuse (sarcasm!), vanilla intercourse can feel very, very good. But climaxing from indirect stimulation can be difficult, requiring either stamina or technique from a partner. I don’t recommend the technique of going off in a bruised huff.
I *have * grokked everything you’ve said. And everything you’ve said has amounted to “if you use vibrators, you’ll never get off on “normal” sex”. And that’s not just obnoxious, it’s simply wrong.
Am I a perfect average? Do I represent the majority of women? Of course not. Neither do you.
Even if it were true, one needs to be made to feel inadequate because they need a little something extra to climax. All orgasms are good orgasms. Anything that produces orgasms is a good thing. Being able to get off on penetration is fabulous, but it’s not something that everyone should *aspire * to. It’s not a goal in and of itself. If I tell you that I can come from a really good kiss , does that mean that every time you *didn’t * come from a really good kiss, you failed, and that the solution isn’t to figure out how you DO come and go with that, but to find someone who kisses you correctly?
If anyone feels inadequate, it’s not my doing. I never claimed it, said it, thought it or implied it. Did say that my own experience and that of others provided evidence that sex could be better, no inadequacy, no wrongness, no shaming, and if anyone ended up taking it on like that, may I, with sincere respect, suggest that they should take a private look at that and see what’s up with it.
All the shoulds, musts, have tos and you suck if you don’t is being inserted into what I’m saying, I have not said it. Your inferences are not my implications.
What was wrong was telling her this, making it seem as if she was defective. He could have simply told her that it wasn’t working for him, he wasn’t happy in the relationship for a variety of reasons, including sexual, and that it didn’t mean she was bad or wrong or icky or unlovable or unfuckable…it just meant they weren’t a good match. Saying “your inability to come from my penis is unlivable” is pretty fucked up. (In addition to being pathetic, but it’s hard to get in touch with how pathetic he is when you are being kicked in the teeth.)
No, not really, when the premise of the thread is “You know those great things that are completely harmless and bring you pleasure? You shouldn’t use them. Because <unsubstantiated stuff>, that’s why. And that’s my experience, so it’s true!”.
He can leave for whatever reason he likes. I just think bec is lucky to be rid of a guy like that.
That doesn’t explain people’s defensiveness at all. It might explain why people might choose to ignore what I have to say, but not why they would get defensive about it. (And I disagree they are entirely harmless, that would be the point of the thread, but that’s not the point at the moment.)
We don’t know that he said she was defective. She may have felt that way, but that doesn’t mean he said that, or even implied that. We don’t know he said she was bad, wrong, icky, unloveable, or unfuckable either. All we know is, he didn’t like it that she needed a vibrator to get her off and there was no way he could manage it. I don’t think that means “if you can’t get off from my penis, we’re done.” Maybe he wanted to be the one to get her off. In that case, he should be involved with a woman for whom that’s possible. Just like, if he was really into anal and she wouldn’t do it, he’d be better off finding a woman who would. There’s no reason to make him the villain.
Isn’t it perfectly valid to be squicked out by another person’s sexual practices? And if you are, shouldn’t you break up if you can’t get past it? If the presence of a vibrator in your sex life turns you off, then you are incompatible with someone who needs one. I don’t see what’s wrong with that. It’s like any other type of sex play-- some people are into it, and some people aren’t, just like some women can come from sex, and some can’t. It’s not a value judgment to find that your proclivities don’t match up, but it is a blessing when one of you realizes that they don’t, and therefore it’s not working.
I might have missed an earlier post, but the one above says he gave as his reason for leaving “YOU cannot come when I fuck you”, which doesn’t say anything about sexual practices to me. Maybe he didn’t say anything like that, of course, but that’s what she reported he said, and I have to accept it, and that phrasing screams: “You are inadequate”. It may be what you are saying, and I agree with what you are saying, I just don’t agree that because he feels that way it would be ok to express his feelings as “you cannot come when I fuck you, so I’m leaving”. That’s putting the blame squarely on her shoulders and calling her defective.
If he insisted on being specific (unnecessary) he could say: “I am not capable of pleasing you” which still isn’t great, but at least he’s taking the responsibility back on himself more. (And it’s exactly because this is, I believe, his real feeling about it that he made it a point to say it the way he did. He felt like a piece of shit, less of a man, so he decided to spread the pain a little. Again, working from obviously limited information, but assume all the facts are as reported.)
As others have pointed out, women are wired differently than men. There’s a scene in “Kinsey” where a couple has been having lots of sex but the woman is unable to climax. When Dr. Kinsey asks her if she’s ever touched herself, she reacts as though this is a criticism of her, when in fact, many women are encouraged to touch themselves during sex in order to come because often vaginal stimulation isn’t enough. If a woman were to touch herself (when she’s on top or perhaps in the doggie style position), is that considered wrong in your book? What about her touching herself with the vibrator makes it bad?
I’m not going to go into my sex life on a public message board except to say to Soid: You’re wrong.
I’m glad things worked out OK for you, but be aware that some of us are apparently lucky enough to have our cake and eat it too. Your OP and subsequent posts are seriously bizzare, IMHO.
He did say exactly that, and the whole thing was much more complex than I let on. It was a two year relationship. He started cheating at the same time he bought me a ring, he’d never let on that it bothered him so much that I couldn’t come that way. He’d mentioned he wished I could, and I’d apologised, but that was all. I truly can’t imagine that his previous lovers had had many real orgasms with him, he wasn’t actually very good at all.
It is of my opinion that women who fake orgasms, leading men to believe that they are sexual gods, are a big part of the problem, actually. I simply cannot lie, if a lover asks if I had an orgasm and I did not, I think it’s wrong to pretend I did. These men that i have been with swear up and down that I’m the only woman they have ever been with that cannot come form intercourse alone, and I think that’s crazy, according to statistical evidence to the contrary.
I’ve worked throughout my life to be very VERY skilled in bed, to make up for that one little thing my body won’t allow. I totally understand that some men cannot deal. It started in high school, my second lover spreading it around that I was a “dead fuck.” After my 14 year marriage, my ex husband was sure to let me know how much better it was with a girl that could come, and then this last boyfriend and what he said and did.
) I can think about a cold breeze and give myself goosebumps.