lieu: The Weenie Slap
This guy does this in public???
lieu, lemme get this one for you. In order for lieu to have seen the Wiener Slap it would have HAD to have been in a public setting.
Heh, back in high school we called that a “butt fuck”. “Can I get a butt fuck off you?”
Or straight porn, for that matter.
Drug paraphrenalia
Although strangely enough it’s ok share a J, a pipe (crack, or pot), a coke straw, and any other assortment of drug stuff. As long as you’re trying to get high and not aroused then it’s ok. 
I agree, whenever I see two guys shopping together I immediately try to figure out which one catches and which one pitches. Not that I have mental images or anything…
Guns
Auto Parts
Two straight guys cannot sleep together naked in the same bed. It just isn’t done.
And if they should ever find themselves in the bathroom in a group, they absolutely must play urinal tic-tac-toe.
There must always be one urinal between two straight guys, until all urinals are occupied. If two open up at the same time, etiquette demands that the next male takes the one further away from everyone else.
Rules for eye contact would take up too much bandwidth.
I know it seems complicated, but these things are practically instinctual. The urinal rules thing is in the genes somewhere.
Especially not on an airplane.
DON’T DO IT.
Too much bandwidth? 
They can’t ask “May I push in your stool?”
Especially in the bathroom.
I can finally see through my tears, but my sides ache. Thanks Slortar.
Mine is: Don’t share deserts from the same plate.
This is the perfect opportunity for this embarassing, yet completely true story. I have a best friend. We also happen to work together. I had taken off 3 weeks, and he had been gone as well, so we hadn’t caught up for over a month. “Let’s go for a pizza”, says I. Right then, off we went. Conversation ensues, and we get very intense on some business stuff, some personal stuff at home, etc. As we’re finishing up, the waitress says, “why don’t you guys have some desert?” I’m not really hungry for a whole desert says my friend", I reply the same way.
Five minutes later, we’re sharing a desert… from the same plate, mind. Not just any desert, but a big ole cheesecake with rasberry sauce. And chocolate swirls. Pretty huh?
We should have caught on, but we didn’t. We just kept yakking like there was no tomrrow; “So how do you think this is going to go over with the CEO?” “Not sure, but I know one thing, our numbers have to radically change or we’re in for some bumpy roads.” etc etc. The irony here is, we were oblivious. Completely oblivious. We finish up, pay the bill and leave, still engrossed in conversation. Later, telling his wife nonchalantly about what we did, she says, “You shared a desert.” you SHARED a desert??? That is SO gay!!!" The instant enlightenment was both humiliating and hysterically funny. It’ll remain one of the most hilarious moments ever. Needless to say, I’ll never share a desert with another man again, unless it’s split and on seperate plates.
I’m straight and I’d say I do about half of the things mentioned thus far with friends. I’m not often mistaken for gay, either.
Unless one of 'em has a bunch of cocaine.
[QUOTE=Eleusis]
Heh, back in high school we called that a “butt fuck”. “Can I get a butt fuck off you?”
Or straight porn, for that matter.
Actually, my best friend and I did both of these in one day. Our local art cinema was having a 3-D film festival and this day’s double feature was 2 porn films–one straight, one gay. There was one scene in the gay film where this one guy stuck his dong through a hole in a toilet stall (a “glory hole”). When the other guy grabbed it, my friend piped up loud enough for everyone to hear, “Thank you, Thing!” So not only can 2 straight guys go to a gay porn film, they can have good straight fun doing it.
It’s a little more complicated than that. Suppose that you have a large bathroom, say at a sporting venue, with 7 urinals. Four guys are using the facilities, properly spaced at urinals number 1, 3, 5, and 7. The guys at 3 and 5 finish up first, and then another guy comes in. Your rule of “farthest from everyone else” would dictate that he take 4, but unless it’s an off-peak time and few other guys are expected to be coming in soon (in which case why were there five guys so soon together in the first place?), it would be rude for the newcomer to take 4, since he’s then restricting usage of all of the facilities: Were another guy to come in, there’d be no urinal he could use. Instead, the newcomer should use 3 or 5, whichever is closest to the door, so as to leave the other one free should anyone else come in.
One of the bathrooms on campus has four urinals. Whiskey tango foxtrot? Don’t they know you have to have an odd number?
The only saving grace is that they have little urinal stall wall things, which make it slightly more bearable - less chance you’ll accidentally see It.
What? That’s some sort of terrible pun, right? Please explain…