I think you put it much better than I did.
What kind of porn are you watching? Maybe there was once a time when the only people in porn were sleazy drug addicts, but it’s not the case anymore. From what I’ve heard and read, everyone in the adult film biz today is rigorously tested for STDs, drugs are forbidden on the set and very frowned-upon off the set, and anyone who shows up to work high or drunk is quickly replaced.
It’s my impression that the modern-day porn business is very much a yuppie’s game, on both sides of the camera, and that most of the stars are clean, health-food-eating, gym-addicted, upwardly-mobile people and NOT sleazeballs in their personal lives. The days of porn being a dangerous, shady, basement business are over.
I agree entirely. I wasn’t referring to a specific example given earlier, since some of them seem quite - loveless (IMO). If 15 pounds drains the love from your marriage, there probably wasn’t much there to start with. I was just curious as to how some women view the slim vs curvy preferences of men, seeing as it is generally socially perceived that overweight is a negative situation.
I am perfectly OK with stretch marks, some weight gain, wrinkles, etc. It is all part of life.
That’s not what he is saying. He’s not saying that 90% of times there are problems it is “because” the woman weighs too much. He is saying that 90% of the time it will help.
After all the OP asked for what women could do about it. Ok, if one of the partners have some serious issues along the lines you mention, it’s pretty obvious to address those. But for the vast majority of other people, losing weight is good advise.
Doesn’t that depend on the weight of the woman to begin with though? My current gf weighs 100 pounds. If she gained 15 pounds of fat she would look radically different.
And so you wouldn’t love her anymore? She’d also look radically different if she lost 15 pounds, so how about then? And I’ve got some bad news for you about how the aging process affects our looks in general, bub. She’s gonna look pretty different in 15 years regardless of her weight. You might wanna just skip the whole thing, because everybody wrinkles. Also, you might want to find out up front how she feels about male pattern baldness, no point to going there if she’s not a fan.
I didn’t get the impression that the timeline in discussion was 15 years. But I see your point.
If she lost 15 pounds… that would be a lot worse actually.
I won’t go bald. Will go grey-haired though.
Maybe I missed it upthread, but am I the only person who sees smoke here? A bunch of women complaining to a man about how they never get sex…some of them may be inviting him to do the deed.
There are some things married men and women shouldn’t talk about. Even if it isn’t an invitation, how would the husbands feel/what would the husbands think if they knew their spouses were talking to another man about this? “So Bob, your wife tells me you never nail her any more…”
OP, I think you need to excuse yourself from those conversations.
One, I don’t think that 90% of the time couples having sex problems have someone overweight in the relationship. I’ve known plenty of skinny couples with sex problems.
Two, the attitude here seems to be that “well, losing weight can’t hurt”, but there is a negative–most overweight women are **already **either trying to lose weight or feeling guilty about not trying to lose weight. If everytime a woman thinks “Man, I wish I were getting laid more!” her next thought it “god, I need to lose more weight, no wonder he doesn’t want me I’m such a fat cow”, then basically all the baggage about weight that most women have becomes baggage about sex. The “not enough sex” problem is solved because now neither of them want to have sex any more.
You seem to think the things I have listed are very rare, and that in the “vast majority” of cases, the weight is at least a major issue. But I think serious issues relating to the things I mentioned are actually pretty common.
I said “vast majority of other cases”.
I admit I don’t have any idea about how widespread such serious issues are. But I supposed that this is not what the OP was interested in.
Oh, if you live long enough, you’ll do both. 
And yeah, I imagine losing 15 pounds would be pretty cataclysmic for a 100 pounder.
I don’t think anyone specified any time frame, but 15 years isn’t a very long time, really. I have lots of friends who’ve been married much longer.
But yeah, I think that it’s pretty silly to put down any sexual problems to a change in appearance. I’m not saying that it can’t affect attraction, but I will say that it probably wouldn’t make that much difference on its own. I know that I’m much more attracted to a fat person that I like than I am to an Adonis who annoys me.
This is utter crap. Many of my friends are married men, and we’ll talk to each other about anything we please, thanks. Most people are grownup enough to discuss sex without sex immediately following. :rolleyes:
Oh, where did I say it starts immediately?
Her: I don’t know why he never touches me any more.
Him: Hey, you’re an attractive, intelligent woman. Blah blah blah.
[some time—days, weeks—later]
Her: Why can’t he be more like you?
[etc.]
Maybe 90%+ of the time it amounts to nothing. Dealing with multiple women and the same complaint multiplies the odds that something could happen.
Not that you care, but you wouldn’t be my wife for long if you were betraying intimate information like that to another man. Sharing it with sisters, girlfriends, etc. I know that happens and hey, I’ll complain to my buddies, brothers, etc. about you.
No, I’m not saying “If you confided this to him, you must be sleeping with him.” I’m saying, “If you confided this to him, you’ve embarrassed me greatly. How am I supposed to face him now?”
Well, you wouldn’t be my husband long if you were not only not fucking me, but insisted on telling me what I can and can’t discuss with my friends, so that works out.
Why aren’t you concerned about being embarrassed in front of or facing my girlfriends, incidentally? Just out of curiousity.
That’s how you work. For me, and a large number of other guys, weight makes a huge difference.
I think this is a point where there is a huge disconnect between the genders. For women, weight often doesn’t make such a big difference, so they have a tendency to think this applies to men as well. This aspect, combined with the issue the world has with weight these days, can easily result in problems. The guy doesn’t want to comment on the girls weight, since she might take offense at it, and additionally she is already trying to lose weight, and mentioning it just might make her more upset. Thus he doesn’t mention it, and she assumes he likes things in the same vein as her, which is leaning more towards small actions that show an effort and affection. But actually all he wants is a slim waist.
Then he should buy chubbie wifie a membership at his gym. The one he visits regularly to ensure his Adonis-like physique.
Hey. I’m not saying he would deserve it, or that he is not hypocritical, or anything. Just that this would in many cases get her laid more. Since that is what the OP asked about.
Men marry women hoping they will never change. Women marry men hoping they will change. Both are doomed to disappointment…
Sorry, I’m with DianaG here–I’d rather have my wife gain 50 lbs than have her start to nag me incessantly or get some kind of quarter-life depression or something–I got no problems with YOUR relationships being about lust as much as love, but let’s not pretend the whole world is like us.
Honestly, the best advice for the people having this problem is to figure out what specific thing your spouse needs/wants from you that you are not currently providing, and then work with them to ensure both of you are in a place you can both live with going forward.
Well, I see what you mean…I do realize that most relationships don’t start out that way. Things happen. I was thinking more of the situation where some people ignore huge waving red flags because they’re in luurrve and then wake up a few years later thinking “what was I thinking?”.