Maybe I missed something in the posts above, but is there any reason you can’t take her out to dinner or something and talk to her in person? Because if you can’t, then, not to be harsh, but she probably isn’t your girlfriend.
Screamed so loud it killed the neighbors, eh? “Scott,” you dirty whore. 
Well I’ve tried to arrange to meet up with her and this is how it went:
Me: So, you got a half-day tomorrow?
Gf: Yeah, I’m probably gonna go shopping with Rebecca lol.
Me: Oh okay, when d’ya wanna meet up? You left your watch at mine.
Gf: Hmm… maybe later in the week, but I’m quite busy with work and homework…
Not a very hopeful conversation I must say.
Um. Did she actually say “lol” or was this conversation by text? If she said lol you should just let her go. If you have any stuff at her place, she can keep it.
Also, you didn’t really ask her if she wanted to meet you. You assumed that she would, with a lame excuse about her watch. This approach does not project strength. It’s the conversational equivalent of a dead fish handshake.
I’m confused about where this girl lives. Why don’t you just swing by her house and drop off her watch?
And wear leather pants.
Yes she wrote “lol” in text. I didn’t want to seem to pushy you know? If she wanted to meet up she would have said yes, I know we are both going to be free tomorrow and about a week ago she had mentioned that should WE go shopping on the half day except now she’s going with Rebecca.
Question–it seems like there’s a lot of internet/texting/IMing going on. How often do you guys talk in person/on the phone? It seems like there’s a lot you can get from someone’s voice that you can’t from just plain text.
Assume the worst case scenario, which I genuinely hope is not true, that she is welcoming advances from this other guy. This Bob cat certainly didn’t steal her and you have to have an epic fight to reclaim the one you love. She could easily turn down any advances by someone else if she wanted to.
Judging from the little I have read, I would say it’s over. BUT I would drive to her house and see her in person to find out what’s going on. Go over and say you are genuinely worried about her because of the way she has been acting differently. If the relationship isn’t going to last, it’s best to get it over quickly rather than allowing her to leash you around while she finds someone else and leaves you with no one.
I hope everything works out for you.
Mmm, I definitely want to talk to her about it, but it seems like she’s doing everything she can to avoid me in person. Also the fact she doesn’t have a phone, means I have to resort to IM. What happened to giving her some space ay?
Jesus. Okay, you need to say, “Let’s go out to dinner. When do you want to go?” None of this “you left your watch” passive-aggressive pussy crap. And if she weasels out of it, tell her fine and move on with your life. This isn’t rocket science. And for your next girlfriend, try to find someone who you can see in person on a regular basis, or at least someone you can talk to on the phone. IMing doesn’t do relationships any favors.
That only works in the movies. In real life, when the fire is gone, it’s gone. The “big play” won’t change that. It will only make you seem needy and pathetic.
From what I’m seeing, I’m having a hard time figuring out in what sense she is your “girlfriend.”
Leave it.
Well half of us think you should give her space, the other half think you should get thee over to her freaking house and talk to her using your mouth, and I think you should wear leather pants. I just have this feeling that you have the requisite physique.
I would say that she doesn’t want to see you right now, and you should take this as a sign that she’s just not into it. You should send her a message (or email) that says something along the lines of “you’re really busy with school and work and shopping with Rebecca. I’d like to get together before you leave to your college on the dark side of the moon. Give me a call when you’re not so swamped. Hope to hear from you soon, MuddVayne. PS, cows died for my legwear.”
Then the ball is in her court. While you’re waiting for her to call you should not send her messages. If you get the urge to send her messages, take a cold shower. This is you giving her space and saving on the gas bill. (Water bill, not so much. The ice caps are melting and we’re all going to drown anyway, so don’t sweat the water.) While you’re waiting you should resign yourself to the fact that, for the moment at least, she’s just not that into you right now.
It’s possible that I’m wrong, but I like to think that I have a Prince Humperdinckesque aura of infallibility about me. After all, I am still alive. If it turns out that I am mistaken, she will call you sometime next week and you two can commence with the hot sweet monkey love. It could be that she’s blowing you off for Rebecca because she wants to talk about the two of you and what’s his nuts from Facebook. In any case, you should let her have some space. This is only a position of weakness if you skulk off. Tell her that you’re laying off and make it clear that the onus is on her to call you and you’re Obi-Wan on the lava beach. (Hopefully without that stupid little braid thing, though.)
And now for the opposing side of things: sometimes girls don’t know what they want. This should not be surprising as boys don’t either. (Well, they want to see boobies, but that’s just because boobies are totally hot. Girls secretly want to see boobies, too, but they are at an evolutionary advantage as they possess their own which they can look at any time. It’s like cooking your own meth.) If you absolutely do not want to follow my advice from above then you should stop pussyfooting around and go to her house. Bring flowers. Whatever you do, don’t keep sending simpering messages. I know you’re trying to keep the desperation at bay, but it comes off as whiney.
These are your options: stay away or actually go there.
Notice that neither of these options includes instant messenger. IM is the devil’s plaything.
A note of caution: Many college girls experiment with vegetarianism/veganism. If your girlfriend is one of them, this may backfire.
Good point. If your ladyfriend is a vegetarian you should simply explain that your pants are made of vegetarian cows.
or wear Tofu pants?
In all seriousness though… especially with sudden changes (and I take that at face value, believe me I’ve seen people think people have changed suddenly when from an outside perspective there was an obvious beginning to the shift.), that is something you should talk about. Be firm, but not forceful or needy. Can you call her house? You said you’re close with her folks, if she’s not around, just tell her that you’d like her to call back cause you haven’t seen her in a while. if she’s there, make a firm date as to when you can next see each other. If she refuses to commit to anything, I’d say talk right then and there, be direct and specific so she has something concrete to respond… “well we haven’t seen each other it seems like something is wrong, since last wednesday you’ve been really distant, I understand that you’re busy but is there some reason you can’t even set aside a time to go to dinner in the near future”
If she continues to evade, well, I’d keep the watch.
Honestly if you guys read the conversations on Tuesday compared to Wednesday you’d be like WTF??? But yeah thanks for the advice guys, I loved your post Tenebras, it reminds me of a certain humor I can’t quite put my finger on… pity you can’t rep here.
When was the last time you saw her in person? She’s starting to sound more like an annoyed pen pal than a girlfriend.
Dude.
Seriously.
It sounds to me like she’s practically telling you to get lost.
I’m sure “Rebecca” is a sweet “girl” and a good “friend”. Hopefully “Rebecca” will be able to “talk” some sense into your gf while they are “shopping” together.
Really, I wish you the best. WE HAVE ALL BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD. This road is almost always a dead end, except there is this little dirt path at the end right behind the big sign with the red X on it that leads to greener pastures.
Look for that dirt road. I’ll tell you a little secret. The greener pastures are abound with hot babes, keggers, spring breaks, dance clubs, frat parties, threesomes, one-night-stands, and girlfriends who give a shit. Also, spontaneous tackle football games on the nearest field while hungover, drag racing, blow jobs, laying the teachers aide, having sex in the library, running barefoot from the cops busting a party, getting too high to remember your way home, waking up in a strange bed after clubbing all night and beer bongs.
Then there’s the couple of things that didn’t involve alcohol that I can’t remember.
Go out, live life. There are too many things to do and too many people to miss meeting. You’re going to find the most awesome girl in the world, she’s right around the corner.
And Tenebras, post more often fer cryin’ out loud.
The way you’re coming off in your posts - its like you know what’s going on, but are refusing to accept it.
I would tell you to get in touch with her and be firm in arranging to meet in person, but something’s telling me that she’s too chicken to break up with you, so she’s cutting you off in the hopes that you’ll just go away.
You can try one more time to see her, but if she pulls the same crap, then be done with it. Tell her that you don’t appreciate the treatment, that you deserve a proper explanation, and hopefully she treats the next guy better. If she doesn’t have the decency to let you down like an adult (direct, to your face, and as kind as possible), then she’s not worth the trouble.
Seriously, in about 5 years (maybe even sooner), you’re going to wonder why you invested so much in this girl. I’m not trying to be mean, but you deserve better, and you should respect yourself enough to know that.
During the 2 month period where I was very busy, my gf talked to me about me being distant to her (e.g. I blew her off when she wanted to meet with me.) Do you guys think this is possibly a reciprocal reaction? A sort of late revenge?
No, and stop thinking about it.
You’re all up in your head right now and you’re coming off as clingy and desperate. You want to win this girl back? Here’s how you do it: Move on.
Accept that this is her loss, go out, party with your friends, flirt with girls. Have fun. Girls want a guy who is wanted by other people, and by constantly obsessing over this one you’re proving to her (and us) that absolutely no one else is interested.
Pretend like you’re too busy to IM her, or email her, and when she wants to hang with “Rebecca”, say “Oh, cool, I was going to have to break our plans anyway. A chick from my History class needs a little homework help.” Even better if you don’t have to lie about it… find a chick in your History class who is failing.
Move on. If this girl catches back up with you, great. But I don’t think its going to happen.