What is my gf doing?

In My Humble Opinion
81

[QUOTE=MuddVayne]
During the 2 month period where I was very busy, my gf talked to me about me being distant to her (e.g. I blew her off when she wanted to meet with me.) Do you guys think this is possibly a reciprocal reaction? A sort of late revenge?
[/QUOTE]

Nope, people generally don’t have the discipline to wait and plan a revenge like this.
Plus, it will be out of context. And even if she is doing that (after you guys made nice) do you want to be with someone like that? No. And you’ll only end up apologizing for her actions because it was your fault to begin with (in her mind).
Make the attempt to have the face to face talk and then you’ll have your answer.

82

My friend Lee’s preferred breakup method is “I am going to fuck you in the butt and then dump you.” I don’t recommend it, but it seems to have worked for him.

83

Upon further reflection, I must conclude that sex in the butt is the only way to remedy this horrible situation. Give her the superpoke. It is your destiny.

84

Okay so after another strained one way conversation, I’m gonna go round hers tomorrow, we’ll find out one way or another… I just really hope she talks, the worst thing would be if she just continued to be cold in person, with none of my questions answered.

85

No, the worst is when she subsequently calls campus police and claims you raped her after initiating a sleepy make-up make-out session and then bolting out halfway through. Trust me.

I’m with the folks upthread–get a life, have some fun. And–this is totally for serious–get the leather pants. You will thank Tenebras.

86

[QUOTE=MuddVayne]
Okay so after another strained one way conversation, I’m gonna go round hers tomorrow, we’ll find out one way or another… I just really hope she talks, the worst thing would be if she just continued to be cold in person, with none of my questions answered.
[/QUOTE]

I can think of about 1,000 things worse than that off the top of my head.

Leave it alone man, seriously. Your own self-respect is on the line here. Forget it.

87

You’re getting a lot of good advice here, but I’m sure you’ll ignore it. At your age, I probably would have, too.

Some things, I guess you have to learn the hard way.

88

[QUOTE=wasson]
I can think of about 1,000 things worse than that off the top of my head.

Leave it alone man, seriously. Your own self-respect is on the line here. Forget it.
[/QUOTE]

Seconded.

89

[QUOTE=spoke-]
You’re getting a lot of good advice here, but I’m sure you’ll ignore it. At your age, I probably would have, too.

Some things, I guess you have to learn the hard way.
[/QUOTE]

That’s the way it always goes down. I think it is normal for him to learn it this way, as almost everyone has at one point or another.

MuddVayne you will come out of this whole experience a wiser, and slightly more jaded, man. You’re shooting yourself in the foot by trying to “win her back”. Hopefully your self-esteem and self-respect are not too screwed up after things run their course. I’d elaborate but you’re going to find out on your own soon enough.

90

I’ve been in your situation a few times. Where a woman is clearly attracted to me, then suddenly turns cold for no explainable reason.

The first one was clearly attracted for a few months. Then one night we went out, and she went home with another guy she barely knew. I reacted more or less the same way you did. I tried talking to her, asking what it was that turned her off, asking if she wanted to hang out. Even though I knew, deep down, that she was no longer interested, I couldn’t believe it. It drove me crazy, because I never knew if I did something wrong that night or if she was just too overwhelmed by her attraction to the other guy. Yes, it totally sucked ass and it hurt more than with any other woman.

I definitely learned from that experience. The other times it’s happened, I’ve quickly cut communication with the woman in question. Eventually, things wouldn’t work out with her with the other guy, she’d start to miss me, and she’d eventually seek me out, call me, etc.

Unlike the first time, I didn’t make any of those other times mean anything about me. And you shouldn’t take your girlfriend suddenly going cold to mean anything about you. People can be very flaky/moody, especially at your age. Combine that with a woman who is HORRIBLE at communicating (like the first one in my experience), and she can come off as a downright bitch. But if you go out there and meet other women, you’ll find that it is possible to attract some of them. And you won’t take your girlfriend’s flakiness/rejection/whatever you want to call it to mean anything about you.

[QUOTE=ForumBot]
Upon further reflection, I must conclude that sex in the butt is the only way to remedy this horrible situation. Give her the superpoke. It is your destiny.
[/QUOTE]

Normally, I wouldn’t advise this. But then again, she might one day meet Scott. And by then, it’ll be too late.

I guess you’re right ForumBot . sigh Let the butt sex begin.

91

Engineer Dude, did you ever find out what you did “wrong”?

92

Nope.

93

[QUOTE=MuddVayne]
Engineer Dude, did you ever find out what you did “wrong”?
[/QUOTE]

It may have had nothing to do with him. And this may have nothing to do you with. You have to accept that or you’ll go insane.

94

Honey, I am saying this for your own good. You are being pathetic.

You are going to look back on this and cringe at the memory of how you are dealing with it. She’s already made up her mind and she’s too chickenshit to tell you. Let her go.

(I’m sorry though. It’s bewildering and it hurts, I know. We ALL know.)

95

[QUOTE=Brandon]
That’s the way it always goes down. I think it is normal for him to learn it this way, as almost everyone has at one point or another.
[/QUOTE]

QFT (quoted for truth, if that’s alien to this board)
also to the other people afterwards…
Engineerdude probably never found out. I never found out what I did wrong when I fell head over heels for somebody and suddenly ran in to the same problem.

I’m not gonna lie, it takes a LONG time to figure out what the hell is up with and get over a relationship you have no idea why it ended versus one you find out what you did wrong. If it’s the latter (really, make EVERY effort to find out why it is), then don’t pursue her to make up with HER, take it and make it a priority NEXT time you find a girl.

If you never find out, pray that you can get over the pain of not knowing why quickly, and since I (and I’m sure other board members) went through that painfully, just take it at face value that if she can’t specify what’s wrong with YOU it’s what’s wrong with HER.

96

I read those IM texts and went ‘ouch’, mentally.

The only time I have ever talked like that to someone was when I wanted them to leave me alone, and not just temporarily. I’ve also been on the OTHER side of conversations like that, and it always ended REALLY badly.

Personally, I’m in the ‘cut your losses and stop wasting your time with her’ group.

And no, I never found out what the other person’s ‘problem’ with me was. I just pushed them for what was wrong until they told me to get lost, and they mostly never spoke to me again.

97

I’m wondering now if there’s a male corollary to the unusual feminine phenomena* known as “I was dating a guy and didn’t know it”: “We broke up and I didn’t know it.”

My suggestion when you see her is to ask her “Why are you breaking up with me?” And it’s not so you will get a real reason or change her mind, but so when she admits it you gain closure on the situation and can tell yourself “We’ve broken up” and know it, rather than wondering if you’re still dating. At the very least if you have officially broken up, you’ll never face the situation where she accuses you out of the blue of cheating when you didn’t think you were still dating.

*No, seriously, it happens to some women. Their “guy friend” they hang out with throws out the word “girlfriend” and they are stunned. I have a non-fiction book somewhere around here that addresses this…Like this girl, for example.

98

[QUOTE=elfkin477]
I’m wondering now if there’s a male corollary to the unusual feminine phenomena* known as “I was dating a guy and didn’t know it”: “We broke up and I didn’t know it.”.
[/QUOTE]

oh… there is such a corollary.. You females don’t have a monopoly on confusion over relationships.

99

More thoughts on the IM conversation:

  1. She may not give a damn about Facebook, even though you think it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread with butter.

  2. She may think superpokes, virtual gifts, and suchlike to the aforementioned Facebook are meaningless and/or stupid. Like memes.

  3. She may communicate poorly in text.

  4. She may have been otherwise-occupied, mentally tapped out, incapable of deeper conversation and frustrated at a niggling repeated interruption that wouldn’t go away.

  5. She may feel hounded, or trapped, or something. Heck, I’ve been married for 15 years and I still don’t really prefer to have my husband reading my livejournal, because I have to edit it in ways I would not otherwise do (ie, no criticism of his family, no venting about certain frustrations). But he does read it, so I make the necessary edits.

If this girl is really your friend - forget “girlfriend” for a moment(*), she’s either your friend or she’s not - eventually she’s going to miss your company. If she does, she’ll be back in touch. If she doesn’t…well, that’s the way life goes. People drift in and out of each others’ lives, and it really sucks to be the one who gets drifted out on. And no, you don’t always get to know why.

*This is why I’m no fan of dating, ‘boyfriends/girlfriends’ and serial romantic monogamy, with the accompanying jealousy and stupidity that often goes with these. Either people are friends, or they’re not. Friendship is not exclusive or possessive. And it stands a good chance of lasting a long time. I prefer it as an approach to relationships.

100

MuddVayne, a similar thing happened to me at about your age. If I had a time machine with three uses, I would take one trip back and undo how I handled it, which is like the way you’re inclined to handle it. Expect the worst and act accordingly. If you have any hopes of ever being with her in the long run, be prepared to walk away now. Or at least act that way. It is not good when she does leave you and you also feel like a schmuck for the way you acted. I advise a viewing of Gilda, starring Rita Hayworth and Glenn Ford. Become Glenn Ford. PLus, it’s a terriic movie.

Good luck.