Bullshit. Read my posts again. I said many times that he received EXACTLY what he asked for. I didn’t SET UP anything, I know it’s hard to believe but two adults can agree to basically anything. In this case was that I shouldn’t and he shouldn’t expect the other to fall in love (which usually precludes the wedding, 2.5 children and house with a pickett fence). He wasn’t willing and I was glad.
I valued his friendship more than I valued his skills as lover. I could have lived perfectly well without the latter. I enjoyed his company, his wit, humor, in general what makes friends friends. I would have been willing to keep the friendship had he being honest. My best friend is a married man with a family (we never had sex) but he is my friend despite being with another woman (wife). It is not an entirely irrational proposition that I can be friends with a man that is attached to another woman.
What Bricker said. I really don’t get the shit being heaped on Mighty_Girl in this thread. If she had posted the exact same situation, but referred to the guy as her boyfriend, she wouldn’t have gotten any of this. I’ve known many, many couples who both knew on some level that they were never going to get married or stay together long term, but just liked having someone to hang out and have sex with. The only difference here is that Mighty_Girl and her guy spelled it out. His fucking around was just as wrong as if they had called each other boyfriend and girlfriend. She’s not mad that their relationship ended, but that it ended this way – he could have broken up with her like an adult, but instead he chose to cheat. Not cool.
Mighty_Girl, I’m sorry your friend behaved the way he did. He, like many of the participants in this thread, obviously had a hard time understanding that just because you weren’t in a traditional romantic relationship didn’t absolve him of considering your feelings.
For some reason, C.S. Lewis’s famous quote comes to mind: “We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful.”
To that we might add, “we burn the passion out of the most intimate expression of faithfulness, and then expect the recipients to be faithful”.
Wow, a hypothetical scenario. I hate them, my imagination doesn’t go so far. Let’s see. I know they had sex, but I didn’t get to see if he bagged it before sticking it in Chick no. 2. The only way to know is asking him. He denies having stuck it in Chick no 2, so there you go. I will never know, but based on the fact that I was the one always insisting in condoms (at the beginning I did) chances are that Mr. Irresponsible did not use them.
But yes, I would still be pissed. Because it is not about sex, it is about being honest to your friends. I don’t know how I could stress it more, I don’t love the guy romantically, he was my friend, I though I was his friend (he’s good at pretending I guess), so in his book it is either OK to pretend to be friends or is OK to lie to friends even knowing that there will be NO CONSEQUENCES WHATSOEVER if telling the truth (other than not sticking it in MG again.
You know, I’d forgotten exactly how sexist Latin society really was. But since my return, I keep getting crash courses on how to act like a Chauvinist pig and get away with it from all kinds of sources – including the MB we’ve alluded to. Amazing stuff; feels like I’ve traveled back in time.
So yes, I think I can empathize with your position. Takes twice the woman here to do the things and live the way women elsewhere have been doing for decades. Just don’t despair, sounds like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. Might as well use it to put this latest episode in perspective as well.
Mighty_girl - how would you have liked him to have ended your sexual relationship because he wanted to have sex with someone else?
And if he had told you that he wanted to have sex with someone else before the event, how would you have felt? Would you have remained friends?
MG, I know it wasn’t about sex, but I thought it was about safety/health concerns mostly. I mean, if he’s not compromising your health, and you don’t have a romantic thing, would it really be a big deal? (Okay, the fact that he lied sucks- of course.) Maybe he thought you were falling in love with him (not important if you didn’t…we’re talking perception here) and didn’t want to hurt you. Granted, not a good plan, to lie to someone, but maybe that’s how it went in his head.
I must have said YES to that question at least 10 times in this thread. His friendship was more important than his dick to me. Willing dicks are 0.10 apiece around here. Good, loyal and honest friends are a rare commodity anywhere.
Cool, keep me posted. My email is available through my profile.
We may be there last week of July.