Attempt to Add 4th Wolf and 2nd Moon to T-Shirt Results in Factory Explosion
9 dead, 14 missing, but t-shirts undamaged and credited by survivors as saving their lives.
LoLCats Experience 25th Straight Year of Double Digit Growth
Plans to take over Apple and Microsoft approved by Ceiling Cat.
Recently Found Documents Show Einstein Predicted Existence of Rule 34
Stars of Yesteryear’s Viral Videos Have Higher Rate of Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, and Delusions of Grandeur
Laughing Baby, now 22, still thinks a 100 million views should be able to get him a TV job.
Toymaster Dismembers Appraiser after Learning Prized Cabbage Patch Collection is All Forgeries
Norman Osborne Takes Time Out of Busy Schedule to Do Interview with Mother Jones
Discusses love of fine arts, his rose orchard, and how he would torture and kill Spiderman if given the chance.
Dick Grayson Publishes Bitter Memoir: "50 Years as a Teenager Named “Dick.”"
**At Arkham Asylum, The Joker Reminisces about the Good Times **
“Remember that time I sold all those counterfeit dolls to that jerk, Toymaster?” chuckles the villain.
35% of Red Staters Believe the Hunger Games is Based on a True Story
Republicans Fairly Convinced GWB Killed Osama and Iraq War 2 Started in 2008
Joe Biden Spins Protective Cocoon for 3 Year Hibernation Cycle
Comedian Andy Dick Lobbying to be Boehner’s Running Mate in Possible 2016 Presidential Bid
Dick already has Dick/Boehner 2016 bumper stickers printed.
Obama’s Latest State of the Union Address Just a 90-Minute-Long String of Profanity
**Obama Promises Reduction in Troops in the War on Christmas by 2015
Gun Activists Protest Requirement of ‘Unrealistic’ Non-Human Paper Targets
Pope Benedict XVI Accidentally Recites Christmas Mass Backwards, Brings About World Peace**
Lex Luthor Uses 200 Henchmen, 3 Helicopters, Laser Ray, Massive Force Field, and New Knockout Gas to Rob 7-11
“World’s Smartest Man” makes off with $3000 in cash and small change and a $4000 Slurpee machine.
No One Able to Keep Straight Face when Judge asks Joker for Plea
“Yeah, it’s only been like 3000 times he’s been in here with the same plea,” says baliff.
Deadpool Beats up Todd McFarlane over Size of Action Figure’s Penis
Daredevil’s Seeing Eye Dog, Dare-Pup, Quits Because of Acrophobia
Iron Fist Can’t Stop Masturbating
Area Man Studying Yoga to Be Able to Shoot 3 Assault Rifles at Same Time
30 year NRA member believes third can be held between legs and penis-fired.
Kentucky Lowers Age of Consent to 8, Marrying Step-siblings A-OK
“We just felt that 12 years old was too high and as long as your daddy and her daddy are different, that should be just fine,” says spokesperson.
North Dakota Once Again #1 in Nationwide SAT Test Scores
Both of this year’s test takers have IQ’s of 190.
Family of Swiss Immigrants Haven’t Noticed Racism in Mississippi
“Ja, everybody has been so friendly,” says father.
Lois Lane Diagnosed with Breast, Anus and Uterine Cancer
Baffled doctors say damage appears to be equivalent to 100,000 x-rays.
World’s First Openly Gay Superhero Surprises No One
After coming out of the closet, Wonder Woman finds no reporters at press conference.
Inspired by Old Movie, Captain Marvel Gathers Up the World’s Weapons, Throws them into the Sun
“I was sitting there watching AMC for the Superman movie marathon, and ten minutes into “Quest for Peace,” I thought, what a great idea!” says hero.
After Tearful and Dramatic Testimonies, Popeye Agrees to Enter Rehab on Intervention
Blind, Gay, Retarded, Teenage, Immigrant Orphan to be Executed in Texas for Accidentally Jaywalking
“It sounds harsh but after his littering charge and being Mexican, it was his third strike,” says judge.
Child Brings Assault Rifle for Show and Tell
Last week, I used my Glock so I couldn’t bring it again," says the Austin resident.
San Antonio Epicenter of Polio, Rubella, Mumps, Measles Outbreak
Jenny McCarthy urges parents to stay strong.
Ten Commandments Judge to Require Employees to Have it Tattooed on Back
“It’s the Lord’s tramp stamp,” says judge.
Shang Chi Uses Martial Arts Training to Create Incredible New Cocktail
Lines around the block for Shang Chi’s Qi Chi-Chi’s.
Fantastic 4’s Thing Hospitalized after Belt Sander Incident
“Alicia was complaining about some of the edges on my wang so I tried to smooth it down,” says hero.
Wolverine Gets Free Drinks for Being World’s Greatest Wingman
Says Tony Stark, “Sure, I’d buy him drinks all night long for what he does…we have this great code system too, see when he touches his earlobe, that means yeast infection, nose means syphillis, and upper lip means she’s on the pill.”
Clark Kent Makes Millions in First Month Buying Storage Lockers
A&E to start Storage Wars: Metropolis next month.
Chinese Prison System to Hold IPO
Area Man Finds Penny in Chinatown, Video Goes Viral
Rhinos, Elephants Saved from Extinction by Viagara
Chinese Purse, Sneakers Cannot be Counterfeited
Australian Dictionary Only 100 Pages Long
“Not only does ‘Foster’s’ mean beer, but every liquid in the world. “Barbie” not only means barbecue, but every cooking appliance ever made, and so on,” says astonished linguist.
Australians Again Ranked Middling in Every Category, Too Drunk to Care
Most Famous Australian in the World for 5th Year in a Row: Lebanese Immigrant, Joe Hachem
Koala Fighting Ring Raided in Canberra
Animal rights groups demand little boxing gloves, like the kangeroo fights.
The Spectre Reveals Homie Shout Outs Not Heard, Save Your Beer Instead of Pouring It on the Ground
Black Canary said to be “Craziest Fucking Ex-Girlfriend Ever” by Oliver Queen
The Punisher, Frank Castle, Spends Off Time Washing Crude Oil Off Penguins
Longtime member of PETA once slaughtered 72 animal testing scientists.
Power Girl Needs Breast Reduction Surgery or Risk Permanent Paralysis
Winner of “Who Wants to Marry a Superhero?” Originally Disappointed by Discovering it was Dr. Midnight
Much happier finding out he’s a doctor and self-made millionaire.
Warm Beer Discovered to Cause Crooked Teeth
Called “Hogwash” by British health officials.
Haggis Eating Contest Crowns New Champion from Japan
Scottish Mini-Kilts at Shortest Since '70’s
Manchester United Threatens to Move to Liverpool Without New Stadium Deal
**AFLAC Duck, GEICO Gecko to Join Legion of Super Pets **
Flash Wonders Why Super Speed Doesn’t Destroy Everybody
“Seriously, I could stab you like 50,000 times between the time you started pulling the trigger and finish pulling it,” says hero.
2016 Olympics to Allow Superheros
Expected to be dominated by US, best hope for rest of the world is racist Chinese superhero, Mother of Champions
Hulk Publishes New Memoir, Paintings
“Hulk Smash?” compared to other classic stream-of-consciousness novels like Ulysses, fingerpainting has been compared to Picasso.
Basketball Signed by Jesus, Shakespeare, and Abraham Lincoln for Sale on E-Bay by Bill & Ted Industries
**Black Barbie Doll, in Box, with Watermelon Cutter Accessories and Barbie Car with Sprewell Rims Sells for $2.5 Million at Sotheby’s **
Blackface Version of Knock’em Sock’em Robots Muhammad Ali Edition Voted Most Racist by American Toymaker’s Association
Blue Cross Again Refuses Request for Sex Dolls to be Classified as "Medical Relief Relievers"
Charles Xavier Banned from Vegas Casinos after 5th Consecutive Slots Progressive Payout
Bat Shopping Channel Offers Bat Penis Pump for Three Low Payments of $19.99
** Firestar, Rogue, Poison Ivy Have No Luck on ChristianMingle.Com**
The Purple Man Breaks Rhianna’s Record of Most Facebook Friends
Baguette Named #1 Threat to Dental Health by French Dental Association
Cavity Creeps moves to #2.
Minitel to Upgrade to 56k baud by 2020
In Retaliation for “Freedom Fries,” Académie Française Renames Pizza Hut as "Fucking Cunt Round Pies of Disease Hut"
Ask a Hairy French Hooker
Superhal, you’ve made two-thirds of the posts in this thread. You may want to consider getting a blog.
twickster, Cafe Society moderator
Humorous Thread Shot Down, Compared to “Day the Music Died,” John Lennon Assassination
Family of thread asks that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to “Save The Funny” charity.